Funny dating jokes one liners

The trouble with life is there's no background music. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead! I shouldn't tell you this one cuz I'm female..I still think its funny. Please standby..next intelligent word out of my mouth may be coming out shortly.12. The trouble with political jokes is they usually get elected. Women are like phones - -they love to be held and talked to, but if you push the wrong button - - -you're CUT OFF !

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken...Keep em coming....... Due to high overhead costs,the light at the end of the tunnel has been permanently turned off. If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.

Q: What's the difference between marriage and death? A: One where the trapped animal has to buy the license! A: To break the monogamy Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a husband watching Monday Night Football? Q: Whats the difference between marrying a Mama's Boy and a Daddy's Girl? Q: Why does your boyfriend have a hole in their penis? Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks down the aisle? Never get on one knee for a girl who won't get on two for you. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

A: Dead people are free Q: Why are boyfriends like parking spaces? A: One makes biscuits like his mother and the other makes dough like her father! A: So their brains can get some oxygen now and then. A: She knows she's given her last blow job Son: Is it true, Dad? Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all!

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe AND my favorite....... I'm only a social drinker but I smoke crack like a motherf.u.c.k.e.r.3me someone who has a loathing for the general public and I'll show you someone who works retail.4. If you love someone,set them free,if they come back they're yours,if they don't call them at 3am when your drunk.7. I am looking for a little piece and quiet,just give me a piece and then I'll be quiet!

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. I may be fat,but you're ugly and I can always lose weight.5.

"Don't kid yourself" would be a great slogan for a condom company. Dear rappers, please stop putting sirens in your songs. I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops. Husbands and boyfriends are the best people to share secrets with… Plastic surgery is the work-out routine for the rich. Life without women would be a pain in the ass, literally. Someone gave me the wrong directions to a massage parlor, and it rubbed me the wrong way. He wasn't amused, but he did say "You cracked me Up." Life is not a fairy tale. My vacuum broke in the middle of cleaning and I can't tell if the situation sucks or not. "The problem with quotes from the Internet, is that you can never truly verify their authenticity." -Abraham Lincoln If it's the thought that counts, think money. Relationships are like farting, if you push too hard, things could get messy real fast. Just like everyone else." -Margaret Mead "People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." -Isaac Asimov "We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know." -W. Auden "When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.

If you were home alone, and you heard a fart, would you be scared or laugh? If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side. They'll never tell anyone, because they aren't even listening. The thesaurus is where we find big words for the ones people actually understand. Shout "out" to baseball players who get three strikes. So if the US gets rid of pennies and nickels I'm not sure how I'll feel. A skinny guy with a six-pack is like a fat girl with big tits.. Did you here about the guy who lost his whole left side? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? you're either on a roll or taking crap from some asshole. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour.

I wish you would eat some makeup so that you’re pretty on the inside too! I farted in the Apple store and everyone yelled at me. Virginity is like a soap bubble, one prick and it is gone. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc.Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing...Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.I'd like to hear your fun one liners...here's mine: I have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do you want fries with that? A day's work for a chicken, a lieftime commitment for a pig.

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