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A crisis quickly turns into a catastrophe; certainly in my head if not in my relationship as well.

Everything on the surface appears fine and we’re playing ‘happy family’.

If you’re the partner holding the responsibility for saving the marriage, please put your main focus and energy on working on yourself.

By this I mean understanding why this is so painful – probably something to do with your childhood – and learning alternative ways to cope with adversity (rather than sending off a desperate text). If you step back, you could encourage them to come forward.

Why has he or she put so much distance between you that someone else has been able to come between you?

Key idea for saving your marriage: Every time, you meet up or text your partner think: how could I do this differently?

” or “getting upset, angry and refusing to listen to the idea going to save your marriage” or a thousand-and-one other delay, distract and dismiss tactics.

I’m not a fan of trial separations, that’s for certain, but I’m not a fan of not listening to your partner either!

I know it’s tough because your fear is out of sight and out of mind (and if that’s the case how can you ‘work’ on your marriage).

So your partner has said ‘I love you but’, has been having an affair or you’ve been arguing so much it’s been affecting the kids.

Your partner wants a trial separation but you’re worried that’s just a nice way of saying ‘it’s over’. Instead of everything ‘magically’ going away, as I’d hoped, I’ve found myself agreeing to a ‘trial separation’ and to ‘work on the marriage’…but at a distance.

Key idea for saving your marriage: Live in today, this moment, right now – rather than worrying about the past or trying to guess the future. So every time, you feel yourself unravelling focus back down on NOW.

Enjoy the view from your window, the cup of tea that you’re drinking or that moment of peace before the kids get back from school (rather than forever being one step ahead and not really registering now). I’ve been doing this job for almost thirty years and I reckon I’ve seen over two thousand clients and I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t have set backs.

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