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GM is now essentially a subsidiary of the federal government, which promises to use its legendary business and marketing savvy to get the crippled auto giant back on its feet, starting with an exciting new lineup of cars such as the Chevrolet Consensus, a ``green'' car featuring a compressed-soybean chassis, the world's first engine powered entirely by dew, and a 14,500-page owner's manual, accompanied by nearly 6,000 pages of amendments.

In other international bad news, North Korea launches a test missile that experts say is capable of hitting Hawaii, based on the fact that it actually hits Hawaii.

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Businessman Bernard Madoff pleads guilty to bilking investors out of billion in a Ponzi scheme, forcing the Obama administration to withdraw his nomination for secretary of commerce.Open tennis tournament, which is a big tennis event in New York City, which by the way has gotten much nicer.By Dave Barry It was a year of Hope -- at first in the sense of ``I feel hopeful!Among those who forgot this pesky chore is Obama's nominee for Treasury secretary, Timothy Geithner, who sheepishly admits that he failed to pay ,000 in federal self-employment taxes.The judges award Taylor 453 points out of a possible 30, citing his ``energy'' and ``proximity.''Abroad, North Korea, in what many observers view as a deliberate act of provocation, calls Domino's and, posing as the United States, orders 23 million pizzas delivered to Japan.

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