Dating my daugter
Having no established rules for this, my response was, “Oh boy, Kiddo, I can see this is really important to you.
It’s too big a decision for me to make without some thought and support from the parents I trust.” The feedback I got confirmed my need to understand the high pressure adolescents are under to be sexual.
Because they trusted each other, dad and daughter negotiated limits fairly, which made her more open to respecting the love and security those limits represented.
If you base your fathering on fear, chances are you’ll get defiance.
And I believe that she got to know this boy without any sex clouding her vision, and that’s why she wasn’t heartbroken over the loss.
Just ask them, “When is your daughter old enough to date?
He asked her several times if she could come over to his house, but it seemed clear after meeting his parents that there would not be appropriate supervision there. After a few months, the boy basically dumped her, though she maneuvered quickly to “technically” break up with him first to save face. I considered it a complete success because she got to experience this relationship.
My own take is that the boy did not get the sex that he wanted (of course I can’t know that for sure) and finally moved on.
If you base your fathering on trust, chances are you’ll get respect, along with the foundation for a deepening relationship.
And when you need time away to figure things out, go bowling–and strike up a conversation with the fathers you find there.